I used to have a favorite shirt. It was way too big for me, color gray, with a drawing of a cartoon animal. It was given to me by someone very dear to me. When I was in college, hip hop shirts were in, so I was able to wear it quite a few times. Mostly however, it served as a sleep shirt. A comfortable sleep shirt that comforted me back when cellphones did not exist, and I wished that the person I loved would be by my side while I sleep.
I haven't thought of this shirt in years. Later on, it surfaced back as my brother wore it mistakenly. I took it back from him, but I didn't wear it again. Truth is, looking back, this shirt just went unnoticed at my closet even if I have given away everything else is because the sentimental nut that I am, it just didn't seem right.
Giving it away meant I was giving the happy, hopeful, nothing can go wrong sense that I had before. It meant giving away the teenage dreams of a lovely ending. It meant I was letting go of the perfect moments I had with this person. But I think the main reason why I held on to it so long was because I knew deep inside that there will always be a small space for "I wonder". A small part of me that thought that maybe the shirt will fit perfectly after all. Maybe the person who gave it to me will come back. Maybe he'll tell me that everything will be alright, and that I can go back to my hopeful teen (and naive) self again.
No matter how many dresses and attires you have, you'll always have that comfortable favorite shirt to look back on. You're wearing it on most pictures along with your smile. You imagine it having it forever. And you could.
For he did come back. Not the same person as my first love, not even as a close friend, but as a person you know you'll always have. To clarify this...a person you'll have in memories. A person you'll always wish the best for
And so the shirt, like the creases that it has will be smooth again. The cabinet smell will be like new and crisp again.
Now, I have hundreds of NEW memories. The violet "Barney" dress that I was wearing when someone new came along on our first meeting, the white shorts that fit well sometimes, sometimes not depending on where I am on the weighing scale. And the unfortunate blue dress. And hundreds more we buy in bazaars and sales and "UK" and everywhere else. The truth is, having this gray shirt fit would be wrong well because it is too big for me. hehe. (The truth is, the gray shirt introduced me to the violet dress but that's another story).
The gray shirt that gave me memories and tears is still there, at the back of the cabinet, but it is no longer mine to keep.. I am giving it away. Maybe it will create new wonderful memories. Maybe like me, it will fit someone else perfectly and be happy again. I think it is and I'm glad.
