Happiness vs. "Luckyness"

I always see tons of people lining up in lotto. Before lotto, sweepstakes. I'm sure in the early times, even not being eaten by animals was some sort of luck :) Before I used to aspire to be lucky too. Long before people started calling me Jinks or Jinx as a shortcut to my nickname (as opposed to Jean Carmelle or even Jean Carmello as my old teacher called me) I thought I would create a blog that would contradict the sound of my name, and the opposite quality/characteristic which I long for. And so, Lucky Jinks was born.  Incidentally, Vilma Santos (who is a dead ringer for my singer mom or looks like her when she sings) also named her son Lucky and to which he is now the talented host that he is, is quite a good coincidence.

Yes, we all aspire to be lucky at some point in our lives. The luckiest thing that ever happened to me in terms of raffles was winning a cassette recorder at the onset of CD players. I also won a 30 minute free internet use in college. Back then, I could only email so 30 minutes was quite long. I was also lucky in terms of not getting along with former office bosses to find out what my true calling us. Most of all, I am a very lucky mom to a bright, love of my life.

That being said, I've had my share of not so lucky moments. Workwise, lovewise. I made certain decisions which mad me think that what I am today is a result of those. So I have no regrets.

But the thing is, I think that I do not aspire to be lucky anymore.  Maybe at some point, I would like to think that people who get to know me are the lucky ones hehehehe. That watching "The Lucky One" will not make me cringe with regret or jealousy. Or eating "Lucky Me" noodles will not be a staple because its bad for me. Maybe in some way, I do not wish to win the lotto anymore. I already have that with my life, with my circle of friends.

I think in some way, I am now HAPPY and that in itself is better than any form of LUCKY. Of course I still believe in my heart that my luck will always be in my own hands. That my life is now as lucky as it could get and I am truly happy.

I should be so LUCKY, LUCKY, LUCKY,LUCKY,  this was an 80's song that was irritating but last song syndrome quality to it.  When I first wrote this blog, I was claiming the LUCK part. I was really called JINX (or Jinks) as a short cut to Jinkee and although I was lucky in most ways, I've had my share of woes.  I still felt the Jinx part still had more bearing to me.  Lately though, after having been through something bad, after going through a lot of doubts, I feel like I just hit the jackpot. I feel like getting my groove back was what was meant to happen. And although there are still a lot of things I am hoping for, I know that I will never feel as LUCKY as I do now. I am very very thankful. :)

Forgiveness

We always hear about  forgiveness and redemption, especially durin g Holy Week. But I rarely gave it much thought untilI've had to apply it in my life.  A few months ago someone did a very unthinkable and awful thing, something I thought would never or at least not likely to happen. I thought the past things I went through were already enough, and I have a quota of hardships. But it did happen. And I was forced to re-think everything I thought to be true. From self worth to ideals. But I think the important thing to remember is YOU are the most important thing in your own life. No amount of wishful thinking would make a person change. Also, being a trusting person doesn't mean you would have a trustworthy person in your life. People are who they are, and no amount of being very patient and encouraging will help a person who is comfortable in who he is.  One thing for sure, forgiveness is a form of releasing the negative things that drag you down. Forgiving means being the bigger person. Forgiving means condemning the act, but not the person. Things will never be the same between two people, but you can choose to have closure. Moreso, forgiveness means being able to forgive YOURSELF too.

Favorite Shirt

I used to have a favorite shirt. It was way too big for me, color gray, with a drawing of a cartoon animal. It was given to me by someone very dear to me. When I was in college, hip hop shirts were in, so I was able to wear it quite a few times.  Mostly however, it served as a sleep shirt. A comfortable sleep shirt that comforted me back when cellphones did not exist, and I wished that the person I loved would be by my side while I sleep.

I haven't thought of this shirt in years. Later on, it surfaced back as my brother wore it mistakenly. I took it back from him, but I didn't wear it again.  Truth is, looking back, this shirt just went unnoticed at my closet even if I have given away everything else is because the sentimental nut that I am, it just didn't seem right.

Giving it away meant I was giving the happy, hopeful, nothing can go wrong sense that I had before.  It meant giving away the teenage dreams of a lovely ending. It meant I was letting go of the perfect moments I had with this person. But I think the main reason why I held on to it so long was because I knew deep inside that there will always be a small space for "I wonder". A small part of me that thought that maybe the shirt will fit perfectly after all.  Maybe the person who gave it to me will come back. Maybe he'll tell me that everything will be alright, and that I can go back to my hopeful teen (and naive) self again.

No matter how many dresses and attires you have, you'll always have that comfortable favorite shirt to look back on. You're wearing it on most pictures along with your smile. You imagine it having it forever. And you could.

For he did come back. Not the same person as my first love, not even as a close friend, but as a person you know you'll always have. To clarify this...a person you'll have in memories. A person you'll always wish the best for

And so the shirt, like the creases that it has will be smooth again.  The cabinet smell will be like new and crisp again.

Now, I have hundreds of NEW memories. The violet "Barney" dress that I was wearing when someone new came along on our first meeting, the white shorts that fit well sometimes, sometimes not depending on where I am on the weighing scale. And the unfortunate blue dress. And hundreds more we buy in bazaars and sales and "UK" and everywhere else. The truth is, having this gray shirt fit would be wrong well because it is too big for me. hehe. (The truth is, the gray shirt introduced me to the violet dress but that's another story).

The gray shirt that gave me memories and tears is still there, at the back of the cabinet, but it is no longer mine to keep.. I am giving it away. Maybe it will create new wonderful memories. Maybe like me, it will fit someone else perfectly and be happy again.  I think it is and I'm glad.

Over a Cup of Noodles I Shared with my Dear Cousin

"I miss Tito Warren"

My son TJ, though I normally don't allow him to have instant cup of noodles always reminds me of an important person in his growing years whenever he gets a chance to eat these instant noodles. "I miss Tito Warren, he always makes me noodles." TJ's young mind has associated these noodles with the care and attention he got from his uncle, who lived with us for about 3 years before he got married.

From the office, Warren would usually walk home from the corner.  Drenched in sweat, precocious TJ would enter his designated room to play with him, and he'd usually make noodles before their "kulitan" sessions. These sessions would end with me entering to make sure nobody gets hurt.As I write this, my son is getting ready for school. Again, I am reminded of the times when I was sharing one bathroom with my cousin, and he's so fast in taking a bath first. Amidst the wet floors I tell myself, this is nothing compared to the joy we had while he was with us.

He was extremely religious and made it a point to bow down to the altar every time he passes it in the hallway.  He always wants to go to Simbang Gabi but always winds up asleep when he's with us or not being able to wake up in time before. He put a lot of gel in his hair and we even end up sharing "beauty secrets" to clearer skin.

Ate Jinkee will always be a term reserved for my cousins, and he was the one who used it most often living here. When I was still single and in need of a date, he was there to be my tall handsome date (yeah good genes) And he'll always have stories to tell about his friends, his girl friend, his parents and his work. He loved to do overtime and was quite good at saving. He was one of my son's earliest male father figures, and although I don't usually say it out loud, I miss him a lot. I miss our cup of noodles together.

My previous association with noodles was way back in college, when I had it whenever I was on a diet or too tired to go out or perhaps trying to save money. For someone who didn't know how to cook, there was instant comfort in these noodles.  Nowadays, these instant noodles serve as a reminder for me that indeed, some things in life do dissolve in an instant.  That not all good comfort food are those that are homecooked, or served with a lot of ingredients.

Boiling water should be allowed to cool in a same way that one should take precaution in their actions lest they burn or suffer the consequences.

The bits of meat remind me that sometimes you do have to look for those small doses of good news in everything you have.

The ribs in the cup allow me not to touch anything that I am not ready for. The container protects me just as they protect the noodles from spilling all over.

The line inside the cup lets me know just how much water to put and in real life, reminds me of certain limitations.

The different flavors allow me a variety of choices that yes, even with a limited budget I can have bulalo or yakisoba or beef flavor in a bowl.

The different sizes? Well it goes to show that my appetite may be for merienda or for dinner but there is something for me just the same, I just have to adjust. Like in real life, you get what you need...

The brand that gave skyflakes remind me that some people just go well together.  Even the unlikely ones.

These noodles serve as comfort food for the sick be it from headache or flu.The rich noodles that run I can bite even if I have a toothache remind me that life is painful but you have to move on.

These noodles remind me of the good times and of the instant memories one can have with just eating them.

So now as I write this, I am eating a good cup of noodles, the hot and spicy Korean kind. Except that the instant tears in my eyes have nothing to do with the flavor of what I'm eating. 


(pic taken from the internet)

Flower "Origami"

I can't stress well enough how blessed I am to be doing something I love. And earn a living from it. That being said, ideas don't just come easily. True, there is the internet, and books. But you still have to go through a lot of pages to see which crafts are doable, which ones will fit your target market, which materials, just like re-inventing a recipe will work.

With the opening of the office and busy sked, I asked one of our regular team mates Golda to look up a flower origami for our event arts and crafts.  And because one involved blowing on paper, and the other quite hard, we opted to do a bouquet of these easy to make flower origami. Of course it involved 5 square papers. But the results were amazing. I might just do this on weddings :)

I will not share the how to of this paper flower but instead show you pictures. :) Oh and it involves paste so technically its not really origami. But like I mentioned, the results turned out great :)

You can use any gift wrapping or scrapbook paper or even magazine pages. Making it an environment friendly craft too :)

See for yourself!

Other flower paper crafts

Choosing Positivity

I like teeny bopper movies.  I like movies with happy endings more than gory ones. :) And horror movies? only when the heroes don't die. I plan celebrations for a living. And for the life of me, cannot paint seriously with muted or dark colors.  I watch cartoons or read after watching the news.  I reach for the lifestyle pages more than the headlines. I chose a happy go lucky guy who reminds me of a big brown (sorry) teddy bear.  And yeah, my guilty pleasures are Camp Rock and Taylor Swift.

Maybe its because I believe we already have a dark enough place to live in.  Maybe because early in life, I faced challenges which surprisingly although made me a better person, it was no walk in the park.  Maybe I would like to live in the world where we don't actually sing in the ending, but the villains don't get away with it. 

Maybe I would like to see street children just literally that, children who play on the street, and not beg or worse sell themselves.  Where politicians really try to help out...Where Kris Aquino isn't a celebrity, or Melay was still a teacher and didn't have the worst movie in the world. Where all doctors are caring human beings who are compassionate. And  yeah maybe even unicorns exist. :)

And because this is an alternate ideal universe, I can only take a breather from these things by what I do on my spare time.  Help out in little ways, try not to have (too many) enemies, and forgive. Yes, forgive the people around you. :)

I am an extremely lucky person.  Inspite of everything, I am still living, and I still have choices.  And I choose positivity.