I used to have a favorite shirt. It was way too big for me, color gray, with a drawing of a cartoon animal. It was given to me by someone very dear to me. When I was in college, hip hop shirts were in, so I was able to wear it quite a few times. Mostly however, it served as a sleep shirt. A comfortable sleep shirt that comforted me back when cellphones did not exist, and I wished that the person I loved would be by my side while I sleep.
I haven't thought of this shirt in years. Later on, it surfaced back as my brother wore it mistakenly. I took it back from him, but I didn't wear it again. Truth is, looking back, this shirt just went unnoticed at my closet even if I have given away everything else is because the sentimental nut that I am, it just didn't seem right.
Giving it away meant I was giving the happy, hopeful, nothing can go wrong sense that I had before. It meant giving away the teenage dreams of a lovely ending. It meant I was letting go of the perfect moments I had with this person. But I think the main reason why I held on to it so long was because I knew deep inside that there will always be a small space for "I wonder". A small part of me that thought that maybe the shirt will fit perfectly after all. Maybe the person who gave it to me will come back. Maybe he'll tell me that everything will be alright, and that I can go back to my hopeful teen (and naive) self again.
No matter how many dresses and attires you have, you'll always have that comfortable favorite shirt to look back on. You're wearing it on most pictures along with your smile. You imagine it having it forever. And you could.
For he did come back. Not the same person as my first love, not even as a close friend, but as a person you know you'll always have. To clarify this...a person you'll have in memories. A person you'll always wish the best for
And so the shirt, like the creases that it has will be smooth again. The cabinet smell will be like new and crisp again.
Now, I have hundreds of NEW memories. The violet "Barney" dress that I was wearing when someone new came along on our first meeting, the white shorts that fit well sometimes, sometimes not depending on where I am on the weighing scale. And the unfortunate blue dress. And hundreds more we buy in bazaars and sales and "UK" and everywhere else. The truth is, having this gray shirt fit would be wrong well because it is too big for me. hehe. (The truth is, the gray shirt introduced me to the violet dress but that's another story).
The gray shirt that gave me memories and tears is still there, at the back of the cabinet, but it is no longer mine to keep.. I am giving it away. Maybe it will create new wonderful memories. Maybe like me, it will fit someone else perfectly and be happy again. I think it is and I'm glad.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Over a Cup of Noodles I Shared with my Dear Cousin
"I miss Tito Warren"
My son TJ, though I normally don't allow him to have instant cup of noodles always reminds me of an important person in his growing years whenever he gets a chance to eat these instant noodles. "I miss Tito Warren, he always makes me noodles." TJ's young mind has associated these noodles with the care and attention he got from his uncle, who lived with us for about 3 years before he got married.
From the office, Warren would usually walk home from the corner. Drenched in sweat, precocious TJ would enter his designated room to play with him, and he'd usually make noodles before their "kulitan" sessions. These sessions would end with me entering to make sure nobody gets hurt.As I write this, my son is getting ready for school. Again, I am reminded of the times when I was sharing one bathroom with my cousin, and he's so fast in taking a bath first. Amidst the wet floors I tell myself, this is nothing compared to the joy we had while he was with us.
He was extremely religious and made it a point to bow down to the altar every time he passes it in the hallway. He always wants to go to Simbang Gabi but always winds up asleep when he's with us or not being able to wake up in time before. He put a lot of gel in his hair and we even end up sharing "beauty secrets" to clearer skin.
Ate Jinkee will always be a term reserved for my cousins, and he was the one who used it most often living here. When I was still single and in need of a date, he was there to be my tall handsome date (yeah good genes) And he'll always have stories to tell about his friends, his girl friend, his parents and his work. He loved to do overtime and was quite good at saving. He was one of my son's earliest male father figures, and although I don't usually say it out loud, I miss him a lot. I miss our cup of noodles together.
My previous association with noodles was way back in college, when I had it whenever I was on a diet or too tired to go out or perhaps trying to save money. For someone who didn't know how to cook, there was instant comfort in these noodles. Nowadays, these instant noodles serve as a reminder for me that indeed, some things in life do dissolve in an instant. That not all good comfort food are those that are homecooked, or served with a lot of ingredients.
Boiling water should be allowed to cool in a same way that one should take precaution in their actions lest they burn or suffer the consequences.
The bits of meat remind me that sometimes you do have to look for those small doses of good news in everything you have.
The ribs in the cup allow me not to touch anything that I am not ready for. The container protects me just as they protect the noodles from spilling all over.
The line inside the cup lets me know just how much water to put and in real life, reminds me of certain limitations.
The different flavors allow me a variety of choices that yes, even with a limited budget I can have bulalo or yakisoba or beef flavor in a bowl.
The different sizes? Well it goes to show that my appetite may be for merienda or for dinner but there is something for me just the same, I just have to adjust. Like in real life, you get what you need...
The brand that gave skyflakes remind me that some people just go well together. Even the unlikely ones.
These noodles serve as comfort food for the sick be it from headache or flu.The rich noodles that run I can bite even if I have a toothache remind me that life is painful but you have to move on.
These noodles remind me of the good times and of the instant memories one can have with just eating them.
So now as I write this, I am eating a good cup of noodles, the hot and spicy Korean kind. Except that the instant tears in my eyes have nothing to do with the flavor of what I'm eating.
(pic taken from the internet)
My son TJ, though I normally don't allow him to have instant cup of noodles always reminds me of an important person in his growing years whenever he gets a chance to eat these instant noodles. "I miss Tito Warren, he always makes me noodles." TJ's young mind has associated these noodles with the care and attention he got from his uncle, who lived with us for about 3 years before he got married.
From the office, Warren would usually walk home from the corner. Drenched in sweat, precocious TJ would enter his designated room to play with him, and he'd usually make noodles before their "kulitan" sessions. These sessions would end with me entering to make sure nobody gets hurt.As I write this, my son is getting ready for school. Again, I am reminded of the times when I was sharing one bathroom with my cousin, and he's so fast in taking a bath first. Amidst the wet floors I tell myself, this is nothing compared to the joy we had while he was with us.
He was extremely religious and made it a point to bow down to the altar every time he passes it in the hallway. He always wants to go to Simbang Gabi but always winds up asleep when he's with us or not being able to wake up in time before. He put a lot of gel in his hair and we even end up sharing "beauty secrets" to clearer skin.
Ate Jinkee will always be a term reserved for my cousins, and he was the one who used it most often living here. When I was still single and in need of a date, he was there to be my tall handsome date (yeah good genes) And he'll always have stories to tell about his friends, his girl friend, his parents and his work. He loved to do overtime and was quite good at saving. He was one of my son's earliest male father figures, and although I don't usually say it out loud, I miss him a lot. I miss our cup of noodles together.
My previous association with noodles was way back in college, when I had it whenever I was on a diet or too tired to go out or perhaps trying to save money. For someone who didn't know how to cook, there was instant comfort in these noodles. Nowadays, these instant noodles serve as a reminder for me that indeed, some things in life do dissolve in an instant. That not all good comfort food are those that are homecooked, or served with a lot of ingredients.
Boiling water should be allowed to cool in a same way that one should take precaution in their actions lest they burn or suffer the consequences.
The bits of meat remind me that sometimes you do have to look for those small doses of good news in everything you have.
The ribs in the cup allow me not to touch anything that I am not ready for. The container protects me just as they protect the noodles from spilling all over.
The line inside the cup lets me know just how much water to put and in real life, reminds me of certain limitations.
The different flavors allow me a variety of choices that yes, even with a limited budget I can have bulalo or yakisoba or beef flavor in a bowl.
The different sizes? Well it goes to show that my appetite may be for merienda or for dinner but there is something for me just the same, I just have to adjust. Like in real life, you get what you need...
The brand that gave skyflakes remind me that some people just go well together. Even the unlikely ones.
These noodles serve as comfort food for the sick be it from headache or flu.The rich noodles that run I can bite even if I have a toothache remind me that life is painful but you have to move on.
These noodles remind me of the good times and of the instant memories one can have with just eating them.
(pic taken from the internet)
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Flower "Origami"
I can't stress well enough how blessed I am to be doing something I love. And earn a living from it. That being said, ideas don't just come easily. True, there is the internet, and books. But you still have to go through a lot of pages to see which crafts are doable, which ones will fit your target market, which materials, just like re-inventing a recipe will work.
With the opening of the office and busy sked, I asked one of our regular team mates Golda to look up a flower origami for our event arts and crafts. And because one involved blowing on paper, and the other quite hard, we opted to do a bouquet of these easy to make flower origami. Of course it involved 5 square papers. But the results were amazing. I might just do this on weddings :)
I will not share the how to of this paper flower but instead show you pictures. :) Oh and it involves paste so technically its not really origami. But like I mentioned, the results turned out great :)
You can use any gift wrapping or scrapbook paper or even magazine pages. Making it an environment friendly craft too :)
See for yourself!
With the opening of the office and busy sked, I asked one of our regular team mates Golda to look up a flower origami for our event arts and crafts. And because one involved blowing on paper, and the other quite hard, we opted to do a bouquet of these easy to make flower origami. Of course it involved 5 square papers. But the results were amazing. I might just do this on weddings :)
I will not share the how to of this paper flower but instead show you pictures. :) Oh and it involves paste so technically its not really origami. But like I mentioned, the results turned out great :)
You can use any gift wrapping or scrapbook paper or even magazine pages. Making it an environment friendly craft too :)
See for yourself!
 |
| Other flower paper crafts |
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Choosing Positivity
I like teeny bopper movies. I like movies with happy endings more than gory ones. :) And horror movies? only when the heroes don't die. I plan celebrations for a living. And for the life of me, cannot paint seriously with muted or dark colors. I watch cartoons or read after watching the news. I reach for the lifestyle pages more than the headlines. I chose a happy go lucky guy who reminds me of a big brown (sorry) teddy bear. And yeah, my guilty pleasures are Camp Rock and Taylor Swift.
Maybe its because I believe we already have a dark enough place to live in. Maybe because early in life, I faced challenges which surprisingly although made me a better person, it was no walk in the park. Maybe I would like to live in the world where we don't actually sing in the ending, but the villains don't get away with it.
Maybe I would like to see street children just literally that, children who play on the street, and not beg or worse sell themselves. Where politicians really try to help out...Where Kris Aquino isn't a celebrity, or Melay was still a teacher and didn't have the worst movie in the world. Where all doctors are caring human beings who are compassionate. And yeah maybe even unicorns exist. :)
And because this is an alternate ideal universe, I can only take a breather from these things by what I do on my spare time. Help out in little ways, try not to have (too many) enemies, and forgive. Yes, forgive the people around you. :)
I am an extremely lucky person. Inspite of everything, I am still living, and I still have choices. And I choose positivity.
Maybe its because I believe we already have a dark enough place to live in. Maybe because early in life, I faced challenges which surprisingly although made me a better person, it was no walk in the park. Maybe I would like to live in the world where we don't actually sing in the ending, but the villains don't get away with it.
Maybe I would like to see street children just literally that, children who play on the street, and not beg or worse sell themselves. Where politicians really try to help out...Where Kris Aquino isn't a celebrity, or Melay was still a teacher and didn't have the worst movie in the world. Where all doctors are caring human beings who are compassionate. And yeah maybe even unicorns exist. :)
And because this is an alternate ideal universe, I can only take a breather from these things by what I do on my spare time. Help out in little ways, try not to have (too many) enemies, and forgive. Yes, forgive the people around you. :)
I am an extremely lucky person. Inspite of everything, I am still living, and I still have choices. And I choose positivity.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Pursuit of Creativity
One of the most useful (and used) advices is to follow your heart. I am very thankful to be in a job that doesn't feel like a job at all. I'm glad to be part of an industry that allows me to continuously think of new themes and offerings. Most of all, I'm glad to be part of a team that supports me...
The thing is, when I was a kid, I changed my job options often. From nurse to teacher or newscaster, I wanted it all. Back then, being in advertising was not yet a solid job option. Or I thought being a copywriter was just like any other writer :) Back then, job offers consist of all kinds. From being a marketing person, to being an admin assistant, to being a research and conference assistant. Some from big companies, some from upcoming. I was glad to be part of a great team and though it was short lived, I learned a lot from my first job. The job wherein my boss told me that I was not for a structured environment. I guess its true.
Right now, I am in an industry where routinary and conformity are no-nos. I am thankful to have been given a lot of art books by my supportive mom. I am thankful indeed for the internet that allows me to bounce of my ideas. I'm thankful to be in a business where my need for being free and independent is welcome. Where creative intuition is needed.
Spa themed crafts? Star wars theme? Activities related to winter? Name it and we can have it. It's a never ending process and I love it.
I'm here now, and I'm going to make the most of it. I'm glad to be here. Hope to collaborate with you in my pursuit.
Monday, May 23, 2011
My Choice
The RH Bill is probably the most controversial bill of all times. Being a catholic country, perhaps we are bound to follow what the bishops and priests teach us. On the other hand, having millions and millions of people in poverty isn't something we as catholics should turn our back on.
Years ago, I was faced with the challenge of being a single mother. I was 22, and I was taking up my masters. True, I had already graduated from college, but I was still too young considering life in your 20's should be that of working and unwinding and going out. The pressures of working should be the pressure one had to endure and not the pressure of feeding and raising someone else. Traveling with your own money was probably a leisure one should avail of while single and earning.
Truth be told, the moment I found out about my pregnancy, I did not panic although I knew that I was going to be alone (more or less). I knew that I had to tell my parents eventually but for the meantime, the first 6 months to be exact, I hid it from them and save for a few friends, I kept it to myself. Going on check ups alone, making sure I took care of myself. After all, who else would take care of my boy?
Another truth be told, I was pressured not to push through. Perhaps if the RH bill was already in place, I would still choose to have my child, alone or not. At the height of the extreme pressure of it all, I was quite happy that I was able to survive with my dignity intact.
And although now I am still burdened with the guilt of raising a very inquisitive and sensitive boy/man, I believe my choice was still the best for me at the time.
But you see, herein lies the difference between me and the other "teenage single mother". I for one, although I was at odds with my family at the time never had the doubt that they would eventually forgive me for my carelessness and my being hardheaded. I knew for a fact that eventually, I would find work to support my son, never mind if I had to give up some luxuries. Being a single mother (or any other mother) meant giving up certain things like going out at night or nice haircuts or sleep but in the end it was all worth it.
On the other hand, there are thousands out there, mothers below the poverty line who have to resort to giving their children away or abortion, or worse, giving birth in public comfort rooms and leaving the child in trash cans. These are the worst case scenarios. I challenge any bishop to say that withdrawal and natural planning is enough.
We Filipinos are said to be resilient people. We laugh at the face of tragedies and defeat. We are happy for Manny Pacquiao and other Filipinos who do good in other countries. But we refuse to patronize our own products. I am proud to be pinoy for a lot of reasons, but I am also aware that most of us, if not all lack discipline. We lack the willpower. We are courageous and we are "creative/madiskarte" but we are responsible in other ways. But we are like kids so to speak who need to be disciplined and set with rules in order to progress.
Dear Bishop, it is not for the millions of Filipinos who are below poverty line that the RH bill is for. It is for the unborn babies and the scared mothers and the not so good fathers who will never know what the mothers gave up. It is for the street children and the children in orphanages and the 12 kids who share one cup of noodles or worse never eat at all. It is for the children who knock on your windows to sell sampaguita, or rags or a piece of their soul. We cringe at the thought of these children whose parents are probably working as well or just expect their kids to do it for them. We shudder when we see them side by side sleeping on streets, or probably are just so used to them that we no longer give it a second thought to give P1 or P5 or our leftovers. But enough is enough.
We need a big steady hand to make sure that each and every child is born to a pair (or one) loving parents. We need a bill that would help each woman decide that I am a mother and I will do my best to take care of my child. This bill will not promote promiscuity any more than encouraging someone to go to a war with very little weapons. This is a war against oppression of rights. That of the mother, that of the child, and that of a society whose sheer number will result to a lack of resources.
Times like these call for a stricter bill that should be enforced properly. Perhaps in due time, once we have reaped the benefits of having choices will we be more discerning.
Mr. Bishop, unless you have the resources to feed all of us, give us shelter and clothing. I suggest you stick to teaching us the way to care for our children when they are no longer hungry or running around the streets half naked. I have the highest respect for life. I have the highest respect for people who struggle everyday to make ends meet. However, my same respect for life binds me to respect quality of life. Contraceptives stop contraception as the name says. Please, it is not the time to be extremely scientific about it. The fact that you are using one means you do not wish to be pregnant. Couples should have a choice about spacing their children. After all, these are not just for teenagers.
Ten years ago, the 22 year old me had a choice. I chose to raise a son. These days, I wish for every woman to have a choice too. I choose LIFE, a better life.
Years ago, I was faced with the challenge of being a single mother. I was 22, and I was taking up my masters. True, I had already graduated from college, but I was still too young considering life in your 20's should be that of working and unwinding and going out. The pressures of working should be the pressure one had to endure and not the pressure of feeding and raising someone else. Traveling with your own money was probably a leisure one should avail of while single and earning.
Truth be told, the moment I found out about my pregnancy, I did not panic although I knew that I was going to be alone (more or less). I knew that I had to tell my parents eventually but for the meantime, the first 6 months to be exact, I hid it from them and save for a few friends, I kept it to myself. Going on check ups alone, making sure I took care of myself. After all, who else would take care of my boy?
Another truth be told, I was pressured not to push through. Perhaps if the RH bill was already in place, I would still choose to have my child, alone or not. At the height of the extreme pressure of it all, I was quite happy that I was able to survive with my dignity intact.
And although now I am still burdened with the guilt of raising a very inquisitive and sensitive boy/man, I believe my choice was still the best for me at the time.
But you see, herein lies the difference between me and the other "teenage single mother". I for one, although I was at odds with my family at the time never had the doubt that they would eventually forgive me for my carelessness and my being hardheaded. I knew for a fact that eventually, I would find work to support my son, never mind if I had to give up some luxuries. Being a single mother (or any other mother) meant giving up certain things like going out at night or nice haircuts or sleep but in the end it was all worth it.
On the other hand, there are thousands out there, mothers below the poverty line who have to resort to giving their children away or abortion, or worse, giving birth in public comfort rooms and leaving the child in trash cans. These are the worst case scenarios. I challenge any bishop to say that withdrawal and natural planning is enough.
We Filipinos are said to be resilient people. We laugh at the face of tragedies and defeat. We are happy for Manny Pacquiao and other Filipinos who do good in other countries. But we refuse to patronize our own products. I am proud to be pinoy for a lot of reasons, but I am also aware that most of us, if not all lack discipline. We lack the willpower. We are courageous and we are "creative/madiskarte" but we are responsible in other ways. But we are like kids so to speak who need to be disciplined and set with rules in order to progress.
Dear Bishop, it is not for the millions of Filipinos who are below poverty line that the RH bill is for. It is for the unborn babies and the scared mothers and the not so good fathers who will never know what the mothers gave up. It is for the street children and the children in orphanages and the 12 kids who share one cup of noodles or worse never eat at all. It is for the children who knock on your windows to sell sampaguita, or rags or a piece of their soul. We cringe at the thought of these children whose parents are probably working as well or just expect their kids to do it for them. We shudder when we see them side by side sleeping on streets, or probably are just so used to them that we no longer give it a second thought to give P1 or P5 or our leftovers. But enough is enough.
We need a big steady hand to make sure that each and every child is born to a pair (or one) loving parents. We need a bill that would help each woman decide that I am a mother and I will do my best to take care of my child. This bill will not promote promiscuity any more than encouraging someone to go to a war with very little weapons. This is a war against oppression of rights. That of the mother, that of the child, and that of a society whose sheer number will result to a lack of resources.
Times like these call for a stricter bill that should be enforced properly. Perhaps in due time, once we have reaped the benefits of having choices will we be more discerning.
Mr. Bishop, unless you have the resources to feed all of us, give us shelter and clothing. I suggest you stick to teaching us the way to care for our children when they are no longer hungry or running around the streets half naked. I have the highest respect for life. I have the highest respect for people who struggle everyday to make ends meet. However, my same respect for life binds me to respect quality of life. Contraceptives stop contraception as the name says. Please, it is not the time to be extremely scientific about it. The fact that you are using one means you do not wish to be pregnant. Couples should have a choice about spacing their children. After all, these are not just for teenagers.
Ten years ago, the 22 year old me had a choice. I chose to raise a son. These days, I wish for every woman to have a choice too. I choose LIFE, a better life.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Everyday Runway Models
Let's face it, not all of us can become runway models. With the stringent weight and height requirements, its refreshing to note that there are boutiques with fresh, new items that offer you options apart from the run of the mill boutiques you see in tiangges and bazaars all over.
Owned by my batchmate and friend Cecile Velasco, one of Runway's boutiques is located in Pergola mall near the ice cream place we frequent. It was my mom who discovered the place while going around the mall when the rest of my nieces and son were eating ice cream in our favorite place. She got one of the blouses, afterwhich she asked me to come back for the 2nd one since she really liked the first blouse she got. She was quite happy with her floral blouses because number 1, they fit her well, which was a good sign, and second, they were fashionable, and for my fashion conscious but (a bit on the plus sized) mom, this was great. Of course, I went for the bag which was on sale. A pale pink one which seemed to be able to fit all my everyday baggage. I particularly liked the round designs that hung on the side as part of the charm bracelet. When I came back, I got 2 more dresses after my mom got her 2nd blouse. All in all, they were great finds. After all, my shopping trips to ruins usually consists of just DVDs or eating and drinking in the food stall (of course when I'm with Bobby). Ruins is the place to be when greenhills or divi is too far. = )
Upon first entering Runway, I was really impressed with the nice interiors which were black and white. My old nail place used to be there and although it will be missed, Runway seems to be a great replacement. I know I will definitely come back and have other great Runway model finds. After all, James the shop attendant has me on his preferred guest list.
Happy modelling! = )
Owned by my batchmate and friend Cecile Velasco, one of Runway's boutiques is located in Pergola mall near the ice cream place we frequent. It was my mom who discovered the place while going around the mall when the rest of my nieces and son were eating ice cream in our favorite place. She got one of the blouses, afterwhich she asked me to come back for the 2nd one since she really liked the first blouse she got. She was quite happy with her floral blouses because number 1, they fit her well, which was a good sign, and second, they were fashionable, and for my fashion conscious but (a bit on the plus sized) mom, this was great. Of course, I went for the bag which was on sale. A pale pink one which seemed to be able to fit all my everyday baggage. I particularly liked the round designs that hung on the side as part of the charm bracelet. When I came back, I got 2 more dresses after my mom got her 2nd blouse. All in all, they were great finds. After all, my shopping trips to ruins usually consists of just DVDs or eating and drinking in the food stall (of course when I'm with Bobby). Ruins is the place to be when greenhills or divi is too far. = )
Upon first entering Runway, I was really impressed with the nice interiors which were black and white. My old nail place used to be there and although it will be missed, Runway seems to be a great replacement. I know I will definitely come back and have other great Runway model finds. After all, James the shop attendant has me on his preferred guest list.
Happy modelling! = )
Monday, May 2, 2011
Dear TJ
Dear TJ.
You must know this about me. Ever since I was a teenager...I've always wanted to have a baby. Don't get me wrong, I respect the sanctity of marriage and I have a deep respect for people who worked it out with their childhood sweethearts or just anybody they met, their "soulmates" so to speak. BUT, at a young age, one thing that I know I was sure of. I really wanted to have somebody in the world who I love completely and would love me back completely. Fast forward to 2001. I was a happy-go-lucky 22 year old helping out with our furniture business and enrolled in one of the most prestigious business schools in the country. I was having the time of my life, having graduated (with sort of flying colors) and at the top of my "career" so to speak, being the youngest among seasoned entrepreneurs. I was the most watched student among my peers of CEOs, creative directors, and COOs like me. But most had experiences that I could only imagine. Like my professor said, I was still too young at that time to be in that business school.
On the side, I had a boyfriend (your dad) whom I felt like me was an "artist". A musician, graphic artist and photographer. I guess like most girls, being with one made me feel like a very important and loved person. We had a lot of plans to put up our own ad agency and all. = ) Like a fairy tale, he made songs for me. I wasn't sure about many things, but I thought maybe he was the one.
BRAVE. Or maybe just plain stupid. This was how I imagine I was, if I were to describe myself. Telling only a few close friends, I hid my condition to our own family. Planning where I go should the inevitable happen. The person who was supposed to "rock" my world left me to fend for my own. And his friends? They disappeared. (Except for a few, his ninang who once gave me money for check up) One even had the nerve to call me incessantly to offer his hand in marriage. Ah marriage, this was something offered to me twice (contrary to belief that all single moms were shunned) in exchange for going behind our parents back, going to the province and having the "problem" removed. So instead of him rocking my world, he shattered his, and in return, I never talked to him again for the duration of my pregnancy.
The thing was, the bravery that I showed sort of became a norm when I was pregnant. My pre-pregnant self couldn't even get water in the dark in our house. The thought that I was never going to be alone again comforted me. The thought that there was something, even greater than my own life growing inside of me, and that never again should I question if there was a God who can create something so beautiful and someone you know you love with everything you've got even if you never met that person yet.
Fast forward to 10 years. I am now a mother to you--- a bright, inquisitive boy/young man who has a lot of ideas and creativity brewing in his young mind. From being a super precocious toddler you're now a deep person who asks me questions that I never knew you could think of--on topics which I thought 10 year olds could not comprehend yet nor take interest in. Name a computer game and you'll be very good in it. Name a sport or toy and you'll be interested in it, enough to beat me (well I was never sporty haha) You've shown business sense at a very early age. In short, you're a bit like me but only a BETTER version. A much better version.
One thing you mention is how embarrassed you are talk about you, or your antics. But perhaps, in this case you'll make an exception. It is my blog anyway, and years from now, I want to be able to tell you how I feel.
One of the regrets I have is you not having a dad all the time to teach you the guitar or how to pitch a tent or join you in your father-son camping trip. How I got teary eyed when someone told me precisely why you should never be boy scout because of that camping trip or that mistakenly calling you bastard without knowing its meaning (technically you are a love child but that's another story). How I wish I can tell you that given the chance, I would have fought for you and for our family. But what we have now is something more special, and that I know you will be a better, stronger person because of it. I know that more than us, someone else is suffering the big loss from not knowing the real you and not being able to spend time with you. He'll have the rest of his life filled with regret for missing out on your childhood years.
Thank you so much for understanding your "kulit" mom who will probably try to be cool and end up embarrassing you. (Hey I am sometimes cool according to you) For understanding that although I am not able to give you all the material things in the world, I am able to give you your needs and wants right now. The rest, you will have to work hard for, and I know you will. You promised me that you will not be a criminal (haha) and I am thankful for that, but most of all, you did tell me that you will buy a house in tahanan village so you will always be near me. You also promised to drive for me someday with your red ferrari to where ever I want to go. Right now, you are very sharp and its evident in how you talk to my colleagues but I know that you are very sweet and loving when its just us. = )
My friend asked you if you love your dad, and you have difficulty answering, knowing your answer might hurt me, but I just want you to know that I could never ever hate the person who gave you to me. I may not like him all the time but I can never hate him. He gave me YOU and that is the greatest gift in the world ever. I might not have a high profile career but I am doing something I really love and I am able to support you. I might not have my prestigious masters degree but I have so much more to be proud of. I might still be clueless on a lot of things, but one thing's for sure---I am a better person because of you. I will fail on many more challenges, but I know I will always be somebody in your eyes and that is enough for me.
I can't tell you more often how much I'm glad you came to my life. How much you matter to me and how much knowing you has changed me. Thank you for telling me you love me everyday, and if there'll be a time when you won't I know its only a stage and you won't mean it. One thing for sure, I love you and you have made me so much happier. TJ.
Love, your not-so-beautful-only-cute (according to you) Mom.
= )
You must know this about me. Ever since I was a teenager...I've always wanted to have a baby. Don't get me wrong, I respect the sanctity of marriage and I have a deep respect for people who worked it out with their childhood sweethearts or just anybody they met, their "soulmates" so to speak. BUT, at a young age, one thing that I know I was sure of. I really wanted to have somebody in the world who I love completely and would love me back completely. Fast forward to 2001. I was a happy-go-lucky 22 year old helping out with our furniture business and enrolled in one of the most prestigious business schools in the country. I was having the time of my life, having graduated (with sort of flying colors) and at the top of my "career" so to speak, being the youngest among seasoned entrepreneurs. I was the most watched student among my peers of CEOs, creative directors, and COOs like me. But most had experiences that I could only imagine. Like my professor said, I was still too young at that time to be in that business school.
On the side, I had a boyfriend (your dad) whom I felt like me was an "artist". A musician, graphic artist and photographer. I guess like most girls, being with one made me feel like a very important and loved person. We had a lot of plans to put up our own ad agency and all. = ) Like a fairy tale, he made songs for me. I wasn't sure about many things, but I thought maybe he was the one.
BRAVE. Or maybe just plain stupid. This was how I imagine I was, if I were to describe myself. Telling only a few close friends, I hid my condition to our own family. Planning where I go should the inevitable happen. The person who was supposed to "rock" my world left me to fend for my own. And his friends? They disappeared. (Except for a few, his ninang who once gave me money for check up) One even had the nerve to call me incessantly to offer his hand in marriage. Ah marriage, this was something offered to me twice (contrary to belief that all single moms were shunned) in exchange for going behind our parents back, going to the province and having the "problem" removed. So instead of him rocking my world, he shattered his, and in return, I never talked to him again for the duration of my pregnancy.
The thing was, the bravery that I showed sort of became a norm when I was pregnant. My pre-pregnant self couldn't even get water in the dark in our house. The thought that I was never going to be alone again comforted me. The thought that there was something, even greater than my own life growing inside of me, and that never again should I question if there was a God who can create something so beautiful and someone you know you love with everything you've got even if you never met that person yet.
Fast forward to 10 years. I am now a mother to you--- a bright, inquisitive boy/young man who has a lot of ideas and creativity brewing in his young mind. From being a super precocious toddler you're now a deep person who asks me questions that I never knew you could think of--on topics which I thought 10 year olds could not comprehend yet nor take interest in. Name a computer game and you'll be very good in it. Name a sport or toy and you'll be interested in it, enough to beat me (well I was never sporty haha) You've shown business sense at a very early age. In short, you're a bit like me but only a BETTER version. A much better version.
One thing you mention is how embarrassed you are talk about you, or your antics. But perhaps, in this case you'll make an exception. It is my blog anyway, and years from now, I want to be able to tell you how I feel.
One of the regrets I have is you not having a dad all the time to teach you the guitar or how to pitch a tent or join you in your father-son camping trip. How I got teary eyed when someone told me precisely why you should never be boy scout because of that camping trip or that mistakenly calling you bastard without knowing its meaning (technically you are a love child but that's another story). How I wish I can tell you that given the chance, I would have fought for you and for our family. But what we have now is something more special, and that I know you will be a better, stronger person because of it. I know that more than us, someone else is suffering the big loss from not knowing the real you and not being able to spend time with you. He'll have the rest of his life filled with regret for missing out on your childhood years.
Thank you so much for understanding your "kulit" mom who will probably try to be cool and end up embarrassing you. (Hey I am sometimes cool according to you) For understanding that although I am not able to give you all the material things in the world, I am able to give you your needs and wants right now. The rest, you will have to work hard for, and I know you will. You promised me that you will not be a criminal (haha) and I am thankful for that, but most of all, you did tell me that you will buy a house in tahanan village so you will always be near me. You also promised to drive for me someday with your red ferrari to where ever I want to go. Right now, you are very sharp and its evident in how you talk to my colleagues but I know that you are very sweet and loving when its just us. = )
My friend asked you if you love your dad, and you have difficulty answering, knowing your answer might hurt me, but I just want you to know that I could never ever hate the person who gave you to me. I may not like him all the time but I can never hate him. He gave me YOU and that is the greatest gift in the world ever. I might not have a high profile career but I am doing something I really love and I am able to support you. I might not have my prestigious masters degree but I have so much more to be proud of. I might still be clueless on a lot of things, but one thing's for sure---I am a better person because of you. I will fail on many more challenges, but I know I will always be somebody in your eyes and that is enough for me.
I can't tell you more often how much I'm glad you came to my life. How much you matter to me and how much knowing you has changed me. Thank you for telling me you love me everyday, and if there'll be a time when you won't I know its only a stage and you won't mean it. One thing for sure, I love you and you have made me so much happier. TJ.
Love, your not-so-beautful-only-cute (according to you) Mom.
= )
Monday, April 18, 2011
Visit to Pangasinan and Tarlac: How I Had the Chance to be ANGRY HONEY for a day
Once in a while the urge to go out of town hits you and you just have to go and do it. One fine Sunday when I assigned an event to another person, my mom, dad and TJ decided to go to Our Lady of Manaoag and in Gerona, Tarlac. First stop was for the car to be blessed and the second stop, well for reasons not to be disclosed except that it was an urgent suggestion from a feng shui master which I had the chance of working with a few months earlier. So off we went at 5am, with TJ still in his pajamas. At around 9am, we had breakfast somewhere near Pangasinan in one of the Jollibee stores nearby. TJ was still sleeping so we just ordered chicken joy for him. The usual. At around 10am, we arrived in Our Lady of Manaoag. There were a lot of devotees and tourists, and it made me wonder if it was really that crowded, or it was one of those times wherein people just had to pray...
Nevertheless, we made our way inside the church where mass was being held.
Really funny statue.
Nevertheless, we made our way inside the church where mass was being held.
After the mass, we had the chance to look around the church, wherein there were a lot of people lining up to light candles and pray. Of course, there were kids playing with the candles all around. This time, I didn't play with the candles as I usually do with TJ during Nov1.
Note that the boy in the pic isn't TJ, I was just testing my zoom lens = )
After the mass we went to Gerona, Tarlac at the Isdaan restaurant where the 2nd part of our "mission" was to take place. This was our second time to try the Isdaan restaurant, and as usual, there were so many people waiting in line. It could be the structures they had for picture taking, or it could just be the Filipino food they serve there and the singing waiters
The food was served promptly and as usual, it was good for more than 4 people. We had fish, (of course), liempo, soup which wasn't that familiar but tasted quite good. TJ and I then had a look around the place with my dad. I took on the role of official photographer. I kind of missed using my canon "looks like a small SLR but is actually just a point and shoot cam".
This wouldn't be complete without the fish feeding.
Later on, we went off to do what we came here for. The "tacsiyapo". Here, you get the unique privilege of throwing plates for fun or to release some of that frustrated anger bottled up. Quite a healthy way to release tension and probably avoid heart attack For a certain fee, you can choose to throw a television set, or cups, or plates (just like Angry Honey). It was fun but certainly not for kids.
We capped the visit with a goat ride by TJ. hehe. = )
It was a great fun day spent with the family minus cousins and siblings. We should do this again sometime.
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